Often referred to as “The Underbelly” of the Woodpecker, the Hawks are nevertheless a team on the up. Their meteoric rise within the ranks of the Woodpecker appeared at first to have been the result of the players going against their code and practicing at the driving range, but it was in fact the result of something a lot more sinister.
Masterminded by Bruce “Pork Belly” Gawn, the Hawks turned to the dark side and went into partnership with The Slitherins – a notorious Wellington gang believed to still be drinking Steinlager Blue.
Armed with a wad of folded and pressed $50 notes from Hawk financier Craig “The Russian” Wagstaff, Gawn is believed to have instigated scorefraud – a determined effort by all of the Hawks players to try and manipulate their scorecards by eraser or bribery.
Tipped off by a former Magpie captain, the Woodpecker Handicapping Committee (WHC) was first alerted of possible scorefraud as far back as 2006 when Wagstaff won the Woodpecker. Sources close to The Russian believe that he acheived this by calling a 6 instead of an 8 on the demanding par 4 15th in Dannevirke (he went on to win by one shot).
The WHC then turned to acclaimed Wellington Detective Steve “Machine” McHardy (name changed to protect his identity). McHardy chosen to become a “mole” in order to ascertain how involved in scorefraud they had become. Fortunately for McHardy, he’d never played golf before so did not blow his cover on a friendly round with the players.
McHardy in deep undercover in Gisborne 2010.
Unfortunately for McHardy his cover was blown in Gisborne in 2010 after he had been seen practicing. “I just wanted to win The Woodpecker! These guys wouldn’t know a scorecard if it bit them on the #!@$ – they’re just a bunch of hillbilly boguns who want to get on it and meet dirty girls!”
Leave a Reply